第三辑 为人处世 Volume 3: Dealing with People
摘自《禅林宝训》07
Excerpt from Precious Teachings of the Chan Monastery 07
有这样一个故事，从前有个德高望重的老禅师，很多人都慕名前往求教，老禅师对待来客，有的很不客气，不给好脸色；有的又显得和蔼可亲，奉若上宾。
There is such a story. Once upon a time, there was a highly respected old Zen master. Many people sought his advice due to his reputation. The old Zen master treated some of his visitors very rudely, not showing them a good face, while he treated others kindly and warmly, treating them like honored guests.
老禅师的侍者很好奇，就问道：“您对待来求学的人为何态度差异这么大，不平等呢？”
The old Zen master's attendant was quite curious and asked, "Why do you treat people who come to seek wisdom so differently and unequally?"
老禅师笑道：“面对有节操、有道义的可造之材，我的内心虽然是非常欢喜的，但为了他能有更好的成长，我就不跟他客气，不去附和他，纠正他的一些言辞，看到他丁点的错误和过失，就加以呵斥；
The old Zen master chuckled and said, "When faced with individuals of integrity and moral character who have the potential for greatness, although my heart is filled with joy, I don't indulge them. Instead, I refrain from being overly accommodating. I correct some of their words and point out even the slightest mistakes and faults to help them grow.
而对那些不可教化、偏邪谄佞的小人，我反而要和蔼可亲地对待，因为说了他的问题他只会憎恨你，我帮不了这样的人，所以对这样的人让他欢喜但保持距离就好。”
As for those who are unteachable and inclined towards wickedness and flattery, I choose to treat them with kindness. If I were to point out their flaws, they would only harbor resentment. I can't help such individuals. Therefore, with these people, it's better to keep a friendly distance and let them be pleased."
所以说话是一门艺术，对待不同的人，要用不同的方式。就是同一个人，在他不同的情绪状态下，我们说话的态度都要随之调整。
So, communication is an art, and we should use different approaches for different people. Even with the same person, we need to adjust our speaking attitude based on their different emotional states.
如果他状态比较好，心情愉悦，你找准机会，点他一下、刺他一下，他听着就觉得“你在帮助我”，痛并快乐着；他今天要是情绪不好，烦烦恼恼的，你对他就要和蔼一些了，你要是刺他一下，他就会起烦恼，可能会说“你怎么对我这么苛刻、这么不好”。
If he's in a good state, feeling happy, you can seize the opportunity, tease him a bit, or challenge him a little, and he'll feel like "you're helping me," feeling a mix of pain and pleasure. But if he's not in a good mood, feeling upset or annoyed, you need to be gentle with him. If you challenge him in this state, he might become more upset and say, "Why are you being so harsh on me, why aren't you being nice?"
同一个人，在不同的情绪下，他对你说话的反应都是不一样的。并且有些话，你在电话里或短信里说，他就生气、抗拒了，但是你当面，借着一个事情讲同样的话，他可能又听得很高兴，乃至豁然开朗。
The same person, in different emotional states, will react differently to how you speak to them. Furthermore, some things you say over the phone or in a text message might make them angry or resistant, but if you say the same words in person, perhaps within the context of a situation, they might take it much more positively and even have a breakthrough in understanding.
所以说作为师长，教育人得把握时机，采用正确的方法，顺势引导，没有机会的时候就不要乱说，不要好为人师。
Therefore, as a mentor or educator, one must seize the right moments, employ the correct methods, and guide in tune with the situation. When there's no opportunity, it's best not to speak carelessly or act as if one knows it all.
越有智慧、有爱心和无私，就越能感受到他人的心情和状态，越能抓住好的时机劝谏别人。
The wiser, more compassionate, and selfless you are, the better you can sense the emotions and state of others, and the more effectively you can seize the right moments to offer advice.
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